Sheff Utd 0 Newcastle 8
The newly-promoted sides have looked out of their depth so far this season, so much so if this were a swimming pool you would be throwing in a lifebuoy right about now. However, Sheff Utd welcomed Newcastle to Bramall Lane hoping that home advantage could help in finding their elusive first three points of the season.
Newcastle started in positive fashion with Wilson getting an early shot in but fortunately for The Blades, the impressive Foderingham was equal to it. He has made the most saves in the Premier League this season so far, which says a lot about the side’s defending so far.
Sheff Utd went up the other end and McAtee clipped a sublime cross with the outside of his left foot to the back post where it was met by Thomas on the volley but he got it all wrong as his effort went well wide of the target.
With the game devoid of any goals, the VAR studio had their ‘hold my pint’ moment. Gordon got down the left to the byline and tried to keep the ball in, finding Longstaff who slotted the ball home. The home fans felt the ball went out but as the replay showed he had kept it in.
Credit: @NUFC
What was more of a concern for the laws of the game was that Gordon seemingly handled the ball in the process but VAR wasn’t looking at that, just whether it was kept in. Ridiculously, it wasn’t handball as Gordon didn’t score the goal. The game is officially broken. So now you can pass it to a player like it is volleyball as long as you don’t score. Wild.
The Magpies then had a corner and Burn rose to meet it and make it two-nil to the visitors. Wilson then had another chance to score but his tame effort was saved by Foderingham in the bottom corner.
Moments later a Newcastle free kick found Botman in the box who headed into the bottom corner to make it three-nil to Eddie Howe’s side. A bottle was thrown on the pitch from the Sheff Utd end as the visitors celebrated their goal. You would have to be drunk to be coming to watch The Blades every week currently.
Many felt the game was already over at half-time, apart from the Newcastle players. Trippier crossed into the box to find Wilson who made it four-nil to The Magpies. It was the full-back’s third assist of the afternoon.
Anthony Gordon then picked up the ball on the edge of the box, cut inside and bent it into the bottom corner of the Sheff Utd goal. Things were going from bad to nightmarish for the hosts. The outlook for them looked worse than Gordon’s decision to go to the barbers and say ‘I’ll have blonde frosted tips please.’
Newcastle did not let up and as Almiron ghosted through the middle, he buried his shot past Foderingham to make it six-nil to the visitors. By now the home end looked like it was an U21 game being played with more empty seats than full ones.
Credit: @NUFC
Longstaff attempted a shot which deflected to Guimaraes who buried the ball past The Blades' keeper to make it seven-nil to Eddie Howe’s team. But they were not finished there. Isak got in on the act as he took advantage of an underhit header back to the keeper to dummy a shot and send the covering defender to the shops before slotting home.
There has not been a bleaker day in Sheffield since they all tuned in to the first episode of Game of Thrones, only to see the city’s favourite son Sean Bean killed in the first twenty minutes. Eight goals for the visitors, eight different scorers, it was only a wonder Jason Tindall didn’t get on the scoresheet the amount of time he spends on the edge of the pitch.
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